


Fear Is Just a Part of Love

by emzbookworm



Category: Schitt's Creek
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Past Abuse, Past Rape/Non-con, Rape/Non-con Elements
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-27
Updated: 2020-05-06
Packaged: 2021-03-01 18:54:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 6
Words: 14,499
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23871928
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emzbookworm/pseuds/emzbookworm
Summary: Why are barbecues cursed for them?At this point David didn’t know if he’d ever be able to eat another slider. What was it about charred meat that made figures from the past emerge simply to fuck with his emotional stability, only to disappear once again?
Relationships: David Rose/Original Male Character, Patrick Brewer/David Rose, Theodore "Ted" Mullens/Alexis Rose
Comments: 42
Kudos: 132





	1. Don't Wanna Be Reminded

**Author's Note:**

> So this idea just randomly came to me while I was in the middle of rewatching Schitt's Creek for the third time lmaoooo. I basically just thought: what if one of David's exes showed up at a family barbecue? It's my first time writing for this fandom but I've been in love with David and Patrick ever since I first watched the show so I'm excited to see what happens!  
> This first chapter is a bit short (and I usually hate that) but it just felt like the right place to end it, so think of it as a prologue of sorts.  
> Takes place sometime after season 5.  
> The title is from Freakin' Out On the Interstate by Briston Maroney and the chapter title is from Moments by One Direction.

At this point David didn’t know if he’d ever be able to eat another slider without being reminded of the two worst experiences of his life since his family came to Schitt’s Creek. What was it about charred meat that made figures from the past emerge simply to fuck with his emotional stability, only to disappear once again? David sighed from his position huddled on the floor. It had been such a great day, too.

—————————————————————

David smiled as he felt Patrick’s lips against his forehead.

“Happy birthday, baby,” Patrick whispered in his ear. David could get used to being woken up like this.

Ever since their first date on his birthday three years ago, Patrick had never failed to disappoint on this special day. Unlike his family, this date was never forgotten by Patrick. Which is why there was a barbecue planned for that night with everyone he loved most in this world attending—well, except Mariah, but David had concluded that she was busy when she didn’t respond to the myriad of tweets he had sent. Nevertheless, this was something he was looking forward to, something he never would have admitted to himself five years ago. Spending time with all his family and friends together was becoming a rare occurrence these days due to the busy nature of their lives—him and Patrick had the store, Stevie and his dad had the motel, Alexis had her PR business, and his mother had…well, the Jazzagals and her other histrionics.

David yawned and stretched his arms above his head.

“Are you excited for tonight?” Patrick asked while standing from the bed and grabbing a pair of (extremely tight) jeans and a cerulean button-up.

“Mmm, very.”

“Good.” Patrick came around to David’s side of the bed, bending down to give him a quick kiss on the lips. “Why don’t you get a few more hours of sleep, I’ll open the store today.”

David reached a hand up behind Patrick’s neck, pulling him closer as he stroked the short hairs at the base of his skull.

“God, I’ve never loved you more,” David breathed with a smirk.

“Alright, alright,” Patrick replied, laughing as he pulled back, “I’ve really gotta get ready if I’m gonna open the store on time, enjoy the extra sleep.” He punctuated his statement with another quick peck.

“Mhmm,” David let out while turning over and shutting his eyes, once more drifting off to sleep with satisfied thoughts of his amazing fiancé filling his head.

—————————————————————

As Patrick pulled into the motel parking lot David glanced out the window, where he could see his family and about 20 other townies gathered, including Stevie, Twyla, Ted, Mutt, Ronnie, Jocelyn and Roland. Even baby Roland Jr. had made an appearance, much to David’s chagrin. Guess everything couldn’t be perfect, but he was willing to overlook it.

As he stepped out of the tin can (re: death trap) that was Patrick’s car, he heard a somewhat collective “Happy Birthday David!” coming from the crowd of people gathered on the lawn. He smiled as he shook his head at the phrase that was too wordy to ever truly be said in unison. He would’ve thought that that lesson stuck after Patrick’s surprise party, but guess not.

“Thanks, everybody…” he called back, awkwardly waving his hands as he simultaneously relished in the attention and shied away from it.

Patrick wrapped his arm around David’s shoulders and the two walked into the party area. David vaguely registered the Mariah music playing lowly in the background. Oh well, at least she was here in spirit, and whoever chose the playlist deserved a raise because Always Be My Baby had always been one of David’s favourites.

“I’ll go grab us a drink,” Patrick said, kissing David’s cheek before walking towards the cooler.

David’s eyes swept over the scene in front of him, he saw his dad standing at the barbecue, begrudgingly wearing his “Poor Little Rich Grill” apron while trying to dictate how Roland should be cooking the sliders. His mother looked to be in an intense discussion with Jocelyn and some of the other Jazzagals about a new Nine Inch Nails medley they were arranging, so he decided to head over to the picnic table where Alexis and Stevie were seated.

As he approached them Alexis stood up to give him a hug. “Happy Birthday David,” she said while smiling and giving him one of her signature non-wink winks.

Stevie merely awkwardly punched his arm and said, “Happy Birthday,” in her usual sarcastic tone that he knew wasn’t actually meant to be sarcastic, and well, emotion never was their strong suit.

“Thanks guys,” he replied.

“So, what did you and Patrick get up to today?” Stevie asked, raising her eyebrows suggestively.

“Ew, Stevie,” Alexis groaned.

“Not that, thanks so much,” David interjected with one of his fake smiles. “We’ve been very busy today at the store, so.”

At this Stevie simply shrugged. “Well, the night is still young.”

“It’s literally 6pm and the sun is still out.”

“Exactly.”

“No, not ‘exactly’, I’m saying it isn’t even nighttime so what you’re saying doesn’t really make sen- you know what, forget it,” David broke off in a flourish, hands waving frantically.

Stevie pursed her lips, watching him with amusement. Her main goal in life is to rile David up, or so it seems.

It was at this moment that Patrick stalked over to them, in his hands a beer for himself and a glass of punch for David. As he handed David his drink he said, “Wow, Stevie. You got to work quick tonight I see.”

“You know it,” she replied with a smirk. “It is his birthday after all, I had to bring my A game.”

“I don’t know what that means,” David said, rolling his eyes in exasperation, causing Patrick, Stevie, and even Alexis to break into laughter. Seeing their amusement, David cracked a smile, but it was very short lived.

David glanced towards the motel when he saw the door to room 8 open. Out walked a very built, tall, blonde-haired man whom David immediately recognized. His smile dropped as his breath caught in his throat. All David could do was stare, wide-eyed, at the man who was now walking towards their picnic table.

“Babe, are you alright?” Patrick whispered next to him, but David barely registered it over the sound of his rapidly pounding heart.

He managed to croak out an “Um,” from his dry throat before the man was standing right in front of them.

“David! Long time no see!” the man yelled cheerfully, as if this would be a welcome reunion. He went in for a hug and David fiercely recoiled.

“Ben…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, the next chapter should be up within a few days!


	2. Somehow I'm Neither Here nor There

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> David's past catches up to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I finally mapped out a plan for where I want this story to go!
> 
> Chapter title from Runaway Train by Soul Asylum.

“Oh, you know David?” Stevie asked, looking up at the man towering above her.

“Yeah, we used to date back in the day,” Ben responded, his eyes never leaving David’s face once. David felt as though his gaze was burning right through his skull. “Isn’t that right David? What’s it been, almost five years now, huh?”

David anxiously twisted his engagement rings. At this point he could feel the looks of many of the partygoers upon them, including Patrick’s concerned puppy dog eyes. He hadn’t felt this small in a long time, but seeing Ben before him had transported him back to the place he was in before Schitt’s Creek, before everything changed for the better.

Ben’s heavy hand clamped down on David’s shoulder, startling him from his rumination. He was quick to shake it off and stand up from the picnic table.

“Babe?” Patrick asked, a sense of urgency now present in his voice as he stood up with David, unsure as to what was happening.

“Oh! ‘Babe’?” Ben mocked, his voice carrying throughout the entire area. “You actually managed to find someone to tolerate you after I was finished with you?”

A thick silence fell over the party, everyone frozen in place and unsure about how to proceed after overhearing this conversation.

David took an aborted step back, meaningless half phrases tumbling from his lips, “I-I can’t-”

Ben swiftly grasped David’s arm in an iron grip, and it was as if everyone broke into action all at once. Ben’s ill-intentioned words and menacing actions made the benefit of the doubt that everyone was graciously giving him immediately disappear. This guy was bad news, and everyone present now knew this.

It was as if everything was moving in slow motion for David. He saw his father begin to angrily make his way over, for once unconcerned about the status of the sliders. His mother could be heard bellowing, “Excuse you!” in their general direction. Ted, Mutt, Ronnie, and a few other townies that had gathered by the cooler were watching with furrowed brows, ready to step in if this wasn’t resolved soon. Stevie and his sister had quickly stood from the picnic table, and Patrick, bless him, nearly had steam coming from his ears. David had never seen him this pissed about anything, and if this anger was directed at him he certainly wouldn’t look as calm as Ben did in this moment, the cocky bastard.

But before anyone else could intervene David had gasped out a “Don’t-“ and yanked his arm from Ben’s grip as if burned. Sensing that this situation was about to get a lot worse, David’s fight or flight kicked in and he somehow managed to stumble away from the crowd of people that had gathered to celebrate his birthday. He beelined for his motel room, ignoring the shouts of his name from various friends and family members, and slammed the door shut behind him then immediately collapsed against it. He slowly crawled over to the corner by his bed, his breath coming in gasps and shallow puffs of air, and curled up with his knees pressed tightly to his chest, arms wrapping around them protectively. He rested his weary head on his arms, squeezing his eyes shut.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” he repeated like a mantra, trying to release some of the stress and panic that was currently consuming his body. Now everyone was going to know! This was such an unfathomable thought for David. He thought that this part of his past was going to remain just that—the past. But of course he wouldn’t be so lucky. He had worked so hard to forget that it had ever happened, and once he had escaped Ben and all the terrors that came with him and made it safely back to his family home, David figured he would never have to utter his name again, let alone see him face to face. Then their lives had changed so drastically that it made it easy to focus on other things these past few years.

Over the sound of his rapid breathing David could hear a commotion happening outside his window, and only a few moments later he heard his bedroom door creek open. He managed to glance in the general direction of the door and saw Patrick entering in trepidation. Patrick took one look at his fiancé and wasted no time in rushing over to be by his side.

“Oh, honey,” Patrick let slip as he approached David like a wounded animal. And didn’t that just make the tears streaming down David’s face slip out just a bit faster. ‘Honey’ was a term of endearment that Patrick saved for special occasions, used to comfort David when he was in distress—which surprisingly had been happening less and less lately. 

“Can I touch you?” Patrick whispered, hand held above David’s, awaiting his answer. David choked out a sob. Patrick didn’t even know what this was truly about and he was still doing all the right things. What did he ever do to deserve this man? This wasn’t the first time Patrick had seen him during a panic attack, but David couldn’t remember the last time he had had one so intense.

In his haze he gave a minuscule nod of his head, and he felt Patrick’s comforting touch, thumb stroking his arm as he whispered, “C’mon honey, breathe with me. Slowly, in and out, that’s it, in…”

David tried to obey, desperately trying to find his way back to reality using his fiancé’s voice as an anchor.

This carried on for a few minutes, the only sounds heard throughout the room being David’s laboured breathing and Patrick’s whispers of encouragement, until finally David was able to fill his lungs with air once more. Now a tiredness seeped into his body, his bones feeling languid and heavy as tears still continued to well up in his eyes.

“Shhh, it’s alright honey, it’s okay,” Patrick crooned, gathering David up into his arms and shifting so that his back was against the wall. 

David buried his face in Patrick’s chest, crying until he physically couldn’t anymore. He sniffled as a hollow feeling encapsulated his heart. All the hurt from his past that had just barrelled towards the surface was too much to handle right now, and he just felt totally drained and empty. In the safety of his fiancé’s arms, David allowed himself to be lulled into a fitful sleep, unable to keep his eyes open any longer.

—————————————————————

“I don’t know, he’s never mentioned a ‘Ben’ to me before…” David felt rather than heard these words whispered from Patrick’s mouth, his chest rumbling underneath David’s ear. “You guys didn’t recognize him?”

“No, can’t say I’ve ever heard the name or seen his face before,” Johnny answered. “But then again, we were never around much back in those days…I probably couldn’t name many of David’s exes.”

“Oh, John! There are times when I wish we could go back and be more present for our offspring when they were clearly is such dire need of it…” Moria’s voice rang through the room.

“Alexis?” Patrick pressed.

“Hmm?”

“Ben?”

“Oh, um,” although David couldn’t actually see her he knew she was currently twisting her hair around her fingers and gnawing on it in stress. “No…and I know about all his exes. I mean, we weren’t always close back then, but as a self-proclaimed social media aficionado I was always kept up to date about his current flings. He has definitely never mentioned a ‘Ben’…” she trailed off before adding hesitantly, “I’ve never seen him like this before, not even when Sebastien came into town.”

“Okay, well…” Patrick’s voice faded into the background as the conversation continued in hushed voices. David was barely cognizant as to what was going on before exhaustion overtook his body and he fell into a deep sleep once more.

—————————————————————

_David yanked desperately on the handcuffs, trying to take in his surroundings. He was currently naked and handcuffed to a bed. He was no stranger to a little bondage, however he was usually informed beforehand so this situation was proving quite uncomfortable. The last thing David could remember was being at a club last night, drinking and doing lines with his friends and boyfriend, speaking of…_

_Ben entered the bedroom, and if it weren’t for his hair colour and the fact that he was still in his clothes from last night, David might not have recognized him. The laugh lines around his eyes had disappeared, leaving a harsh squint in their wake. The playful smile and dimples that usually graced Ben’s face were gone in favour of a menacing smirk. His visage had totally changed, and the boyfriend that David knew and….really liked, wasn’t present in this alien figure before him._

_“…Ben?”_

_He didn’t even bother with giving David a response, he simply started to walk towards the bed. David felt his heart rate rapidly increase as Ben crawled onto the bed and hovered over him._

_Before he could even comprehend what was happening in his hungover state, David was roughly flipped onto his stomach.He frantically tugged on the handcuffs as he heard a zipper being undone behind him._

_“No, Ben, please…”_

“David?”

_“Stop, Ben!”_

“DAVID!”

David jerked awake, wrenching his body into a sitting position with a gasp. When he felt a hand come to rest on his lower back he flinched.

“Baby, are you okay? You were, um, saying some things in your sleep.”

It’s okay, he told himself. It’s just Patrick—his wonderful, loving fiancé—who was nothing like Ben.

David’s eyes slid shut, taking a deep breath and steeling himself before turning to face the love of his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!


	3. Wings Wouldn't Help You Down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> David is in denial.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Longest chapter yet! Yay! Over 4000 words, I started writing and my brain just ran with it lol.
> 
> Chapter title from Rosyln by Bon Iver and St. Vincent, which I listened to on repeat the whole time I was writing this!

“I-“

Before David could finish his sentence his parents burst through the door connecting their rooms, both looking frazzled. 

“What’s going on? We heard a vociferous ruckus,” Moira squealed, hair askew from quickly ripping off her eye mask.

“Oh, um,” David glanced in Patrick’s direction, swallowing. “It was nothing, I just, uh, dropped my phone.”

Patrick frowned from where he was crammed next to David in the tiny motel bed, but thought it best not to say anything with David’s parents still in the room. Best to let David take control of the situation and deal with it as he sees fit, for the time being. And besides, he was still uncertain as to what had happened himself.

Johnny’s eyebrows undulated before his expression settled on a mixture between confusion and concern. “Okay then…if you’re sure.”

“Yeah. Yep. Very sure,” David responded, head bobbing up and down to punctuate his stilted fragments.

Moira let out a long-suffering sigh before taking Johnny’s hand and dragging his nightgown-clad body back to their adjoining room, softly closing the door behind them.

David released a breath he hadn’t realized he was holding and flopped back onto the mattress. They lay in silence for a few more moments before Patrick finally worked up the courage to break it.

“Sooo, I can understand that you didn’t want to worry your parents but…are you sure you’re okay? You know you can talk to me about anything, baby.”

David shivered at the comforting rub of his shoulders Patrick was currently engaging in. Patrick’s movements halted at David’s reaction.

“No, it’s okay,” the rubbing resumed. “Yeah, I’m good. Just had a nightmare but it’s nothing, nothing we need to worry about.” David glanced at the clock on his nightstand and read the numbers. 5:56am. Knowing he wouldn’t be able to fall back to sleep, David got up and started to pull his uggs on. Without giving Patrick a chance to respond to his previous statement, he quickly walked to the bathroom.

“I’m just gonna take a shower!” He called out over his shoulder as he went.

He closed the bathroom door behind him and leaned against it, emptying the air from his lungs. At least he hadn’t wet the bed this time. At this thought he let out a self-deprecating laugh. What a thing to be thankful for, but he’ll take every small blessing he can get in the shitshow that was his life. Still, old habits die hard, and after that nightmare he felt incredibly disgusting, so he hopped in the shower.

—————————————————————

Exiting the bathroom with a towel on his head and feeling refreshed, he took in the state of his room. Patrick was now sitting on the edge of his bed, fully dressed.

“Where is Alexis, anyway?” David asked as he walked over to grab his skincare products.

“She stayed at Ted’s last night, she thought it was best to give us a little privacy considering-“

“Oh! Okay,” David cut him off, not wanting to hear the end of that sentence.

He was halfway back to the bathroom when he heard a strangled, “David,” make its way out of Patrick’s throat. His dejected tone made David’s heart drop to his feet, so he stopped in his tracks and turned to face his fiancé.

“Babe,” Patrick tried again, anxiously rubbing his hands on the legs of his jeans as his big brown eyes stared right into David’s soul. “A-are we gonna talk about yesterday?”

The question hung in the air for a moment as David’s thoughts raced. How was he going to get out of this? He really should have mentioned Ben when he and Patrick had that discussion about their past lovers at Stevie’s apartment, but, well, he had never told anyone about him before and he just hadn't been able to force the words out. Patrick was the kindest lover he had ever known, and something in David’s fucked up brain had said, “don’t tarnish him with your damaged goods.” So he hadn’t. He went on and on about his plethora of other exes, who honestly weren’t that great either. A bit of emotional abuse and a few rough relationships here and there, but nothing came remotely close to what Ben had done to him, both physically and emotionally. David initially felt guilty about omitting this part of his past, but the more time that passed the harder it was to say, and now he felt like he was in too deep. Logically he knew Patrick would be loving and gracious, yet years and years of experience told David to guard this secret for fear of being hurt further. And now that they were engaged and David still hadn’t told him, would Patrick be mad? That was always a possibility, and was the usual outcome in the majority of David’s previous flings. But no, his fiancé wouldn’t-

David blinked back into the present as he felt Patrick wrap an arm around him, realizing he must have been spaced out again.

“Yeah, um, hm, alright.” He started walking them back over to the bed and they sat at the foot, bodies touching all the way from shoulder to knee.

Baring his soul had to be the most difficult thing David had ever done. Besides maybe playing baseball or helping Roland pick out clothes for Jocelyn at the Blouse Barn…actually, no, reliving his past and fully letting another person in tops that. He had already done it once with Patrick, but could he really do it again? Laying himself fully bare, with something much more vulnerable and intense? Looking into Patrick’s eyes, seeing the trust and worry buried in the hazel brown irises of this man who knew him better than anyone else ever had, he knew he couldn’t do that to his lover. Seeing Patrick hurt on his behalf would break David’s heart right now, so he decided: this is the secret he would truly take to his grave. Patrick doesn’t need to know the full extent of what Ben put him through.

“So, um,” David broke their eye contact, staring down at his fingers as he played with his rings. “There’s honestly not a whole lot to say. You already know from what Ben said yesterday that we used to date.”

Patrick nodded, urging David to keep going.

“And I mean, I guess based on what he said you can tell that he wasn’t the most caring person…” David trailed off, trying to figure out how to best twist the truth so that he wasn’t outright lying to his partner.

“Yeah,” Patrick huffed, not unkindly. “I did manage to gather that.”

“Mhmm, yeah,” David threw his head back, emotions threatening to consume him. “We dated for over two months…he was my longest relationship besides Sebastien, before you obviously.”

Patrick cracked a small smile at that. Mission accomplished, David thought, the corner of his own lips quirking up.

“There’s not much else to say. He was much like the other exes I told you about…not exactly the nicest person in the world, um…” Thoughts of being chained to a bed flashed across David’s mind and he shook his head to get rid of the image, realizing just how much he was understating the severity of the effect Ben’s actions had on him. He hated everything about this conversation. Reliving painful memories while still trying to filter them as they passed through his lips so as not to give the whole truth away.

“Ya know, a bit of emotional abuse every now and then,” David laughed awkwardly, hearing a phantom _”Stay still, bitch”_ in his ears. 

Patrick rubbed his back comfortingly, and David tried to tolerate it even though the touch was causing his heart to race in this moment.

Taking a deep breath, he continued. “And I mean, he slapped me around a few times, but never when I didn’t deserve it.”

Patrick sharply inhaled at this, and David winced. He really was trying to break himself of this habit, and he knew how much it hurt Patrick to hear him say these things that deep down, he still believed about himself.

“No, honey, no one deserves to be hit by their partner, no matter what,” he cooed. “Least of all you…” he added softly, mostly to himself.

David simply nodded and stayed silent for a few moments longer.

Not wanting to push too much, yet needing to know the entirety of the situation, Patrick quietly asked, “Did he ever…make you do anything you, um, didn’t want to?” The second he had said it Patrick regretted it, but he had to know because based on the way David had reacted yesterday, he was a bit nervous about the answer to his question.

David froze, staring deep into his fiancé’s eyes. This was the moment. He could still backtrack, he could turn this conversation around and tell Patrick the truth in this instance.

“No! God, no.” Well, fuck. His mouth operated before his brain could fully make a decision, and he lied instinctively to protect himself. Which, if he was honest, was how he would have answered anyway, even after giving it some thought. Years and years of protecting yourself and your emotions out of necessity didn’t just disappear after a few years of good things happening to you. It takes time to unravel all the bad habits and deconstruct the armour.

“Alright! Okay,” Patrick exclaimed at David’s forceful denial.

Releasing a breath, David continued. “Anyways, um, even though I had wanted to leave him, I kept sticking around because in a way, it felt good to be wanted by somebody, and it wasn’t all bad,” _yes it was_ David’s brain supplied, but he pushed it down. “So in the end, he got sick of me, just like everyone else, ended things with me and then kicked me out of his apartment. I-I’ll admit that it felt pretty shitty-“ _understatement of the century_ “so I booked the next flight home, and went back to the family house in Toronto. And that’s how I ended up being there when the government seized all our assets.”

A heavy silence pervaded the room.

Feeling anxious because Patrick wasn’t saying anything, David felt the need to add, “Yeah so, that’s pretty much it.” At this point he started rambling. “I know it probably seemed a lot worse based on my reaction yesterday, but I promise it really wasn’t that bad and you know sometimes I just can’t control my body’s reaction to things, and-“

“Sh, shhh, it’s alright David.”

“Okay…” David replied, looking at his partner through squinted eyes.

“There’s just one other thing I was wondering, uh, if you don’t mind…”

David waited for him to continue.

“Um, none of your family had ever heard of this guy? Like, even Alexis? So I guess I just wondered, like, what made this relationship so different that there wasn’t even one mention of it online?”

David felt like Patrick’s gaze, while not malicious in any way, was seeing right through him and all his lies. David swallowed thickly before answering, “There’s not really any particular reason-” _there was_ “I mean, it’s not like I was regularly in contact with my family back then anyway, so it’s not that strange that they had no idea. And as for the social media thing, believe it or not I was trying this new thing, called ‘privacy’.” _Sure,_ his brain supplied, _that sounds better than having your phone confiscated by a controlling piece of shi-_

“Alright, that makes sense…” Patrick still looked doubtful, and David didn’t blame him. ‘Privacy’ and ‘David Rose’ weren’t exactly two concepts that went hand in hand, especially not back in those days, but it was the best he could come up with.

After a few more moments of quiet speculation, Patrick spoke up.

“I just-I wish I could’ve been there for you then. Just-“ Patrick broke off, gathering himself. “Hearing all these stories from your past, I just wish we could’ve met earlier and I could have saved you from all this-this heartbreak.”

Patrick looked at him with such sincerity that David felt tears welling up in his eyes.

“Wow, okay,” David blew out a breath, looking up at the ceiling to will the tears back into his tear ducts. He abruptly wrapped his fiancé in a suffocating hug. “I love you so much, honey.”

“I love you, too,” Patrick said as he kissed that spot on David’s neck that he loved so much.

They held on to each other for a minute longer, until eventually David pulled back as a thought came to him.

“So, what happened last night after I came back to the room…?” He asked hesitantly, torn between not wanting to know the answer and needing to.

“Well,” Patrick’s face scrunched up in thought as he recalled the events. “After you, uh, ran back here…I mean, it’s all a blur really, because I was so focused on getting to you, but basically Ben, um, laughed and said something like ‘of course’,” David grimaced, “then your dad told him he wasn’t welcome—I’ve never seen him so stern, by the way—at the party, and Ben kinda just shrugged it off and mumbled, uh…”

“It’s okay, baby, what?”

“He said you weren’t worth it, then got in his car and drove off, but by then I was running into the room to check on you.” 

“Mhmm,” David exhaled. “Okay, alright.” This he could work with, Ben hadn’t said anything too incriminating to his family. But there was still one issue-

“But there’s one other thing,” Patrick interjected as if he could read David’s mind. “I texted Stevie while you were in the shower, and he’s still staying at the motel. She said he booked the room for a week, and well, he hasn’t checked out yet, so…”

Son of a bitch.

Patrick rambled on, “I mean, obviously he knows he isn’t exactly welcome here, so hopefully he’ll pack his things and get the fuck out of here sooner rather than later, but according to Stevie his car hasn’t been back here since he left yesterday. Maybe that’s a good sign?”

David didn’t want to crush Patrick’s hopes, but he knew Ben, and he certainly wouldn’t have given up so easily. “Mmmm, maybe,” he decided to say.

Before David could get too lost in thought, Patrick gently took his face into his hands and turned him to look into his eyes. “Anyways, I was thinking that until he leaves, you could stay at my apartment with me? Just so you can avoid him as much as possible.” At David’s silence he added, “If you want to, that is…”

“That sounds perfect.” David leaned in to kiss his fiancé, and a light press of the lips quickly turned into something more heated. David grasped the back of Patrick’s head to pull him even closer, and Patrick gasped into the kiss. David took advantage of this and licked into his lovers mouth, savouring the moan he extracted. Patrick shifted so that he was now half-sitting in David’s lap.

_Ben ignored David’s pleas as he straddled him. Giving him a look that said ‘what are you gonna do about it?'_

__

__

_David had never felt more powerless in his life, and all of a sudden he grunted in pain as Ben entered him in one swift motion-_

David immediately pulled back, but relaxed once more when he was met solely with the debauched look on the face of his partner. Patrick was staring at him like he hung the moon, eyes wide and lips slightly swollen. David would’ve laughed in relief if not for the fact that he was stressed about suddenly having flashbacks again. This could seriously mess with his relationship. He hadn’t had one in years at this point, but he guessed that being faced with his ex had once again renewed his trauma. Great.

“Maybe we should stop while we’re ahead,” David smirked. “My parents are right next door, after all.”

“Shit, you’re right,” Patrick replied, adjusting his jeans and straightening his shirt as he stood up.

David laughed at his fiancé, always wanting to be the dutiful son-in-law.

“What do you think about just keeping the store closed for today? We could just head back to my place and relax? How does…that sound?” Patrick asked, losing steam as he went along at the sour look on David’s face.

“And why would that be necessary?” David interrogated, hands flailing.

“Well I mean, I just thought that after-“

“Patrick, it’s kinda hard to build customer loyalty when our store is just spontaneously open or closed,” David said sarcastically, throwing Patrick’s words right back in his face.

Patrick looked taken aback by the sudden shift in mood, but ultimately decided not to push it. “Okay, then…well, uh, let’s get ready to head out.”

David nodded, picking up his forgotten skincare products from the bed and heading towards the bathroom.

—————————————————————

To say that things were tense between them would be an understatement. Patrick couldn’t place a finger on why, but the atmosphere at the store had been hostile all day. As he gazed out from behind the register at David, flitting around the store and absentmindedly checking labels, a blanket of worry overcame him. All he wanted was for his fiancé to be okay, and for all intents and purposes David claimed he was, but Patrick felt he knew his partner a little better than that. There was something David wasn’t telling him, but he knew by now that to push David was to make him clam up, so Patrick played the waiting game. Until David felt comfortable enough to share, he would just try and be there to support the love of his life, no matter how much he pushed him away out of self-preservation.

—————————————————————

“No, it’s okay, I can go pick it up,” he assured Patrick, already heading towards the door. He could use a break from Patrick’s worried gaze, anyway.

He briskly walked across the street, trying not to think about how he knew Patrick’s eyes were following him.

David tried to ignore the way all the eyes in the café turned to him as he entered. One of the cons of living in a town this small—word travels fast. Certainly everyone had heard about the situation from his birthday party by now. Gwen was there, after all, and she’s never been known to be discreet about anything. He walked swiftly to the counter, eyes locked on his destination to avoid making unwanted eye contact. Just as he sidled up, Twyla turned around to greet him.

“Oh! Hey, David,” she said, her overly sweet tone sounding a little apprehensive today.

“Twyla! Hey. I’m just here to pick up mine and Patrick’s lunch?”

“Sure thing.” She turned and grabbed the bag with their sandwiches, placing it on the counter in front of him. He could see her eyes shifting, seemingly coming to the decision to say, “So, how are you today, by the way?”

Great. Truly nobody was going to let him just forget what happened, were they?

“I’m good,” he replied, cocking a hand on his hip, rubbing his eyebrow as he said, “Why, um, why wouldn’t I be?”

“Oh, no reason I guess, yesterday was just a little, um, crazy…but, uh, never mind that. Happy belated birthday! I never got a chance to talk to you last night, because of the, well, you know, um-oh! My mom actually dated a guy named Ben once, and he was a real asshole too-”

“Okay thank-you so much! Bye Twyla!” David cut her off, taking pity on the girl. He twirled around and headed for the door, eyes trained on the floor, but came to an abrupt stop when a hand grabbed his wrist. Gasping as he quickly raised his gaze, he relaxed—but only slightly—when he saw that it was just his sister. Fuck.

“Alexis!” He exclaimed with fake excitement penetrating his words.

“David! Come sit!” She patted the space across from where she was seated next to Ted.

“I really don’t have time-I need to get back, Patrick is wait-“ but his excuses were useless as she had dragged him into the empty chair. Sighing for what felt like the millionth time that day, David rolled his eyes and glared at his sister.

“What do you want, Alexis?”

“Uh, David, can’t a sister just want to check in with her brother every now and then? I haven’t seen you since yesterday, after all.”

“Wow, not even a full 24 hours, how did you survive?”

“Okay, rude. No but seriously, how’s it going?”

David was getting quite sick of having the same conversation with every. single. person. that he ran into today, and he didn’t know how much longer he’d be able to keep it together. David spared a glance at Ted, who was watching the interaction much like a tennis match between two opponents. He looked like he wanted to step in and diffuse the situation before it got too far, but didn’t know where to start or what to say.

Forcing a smile through gritted teeth, David responded, “Just peachy. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I really have to get back to the store before Patrick’s lunch gets cold.”

“You have two sandwiches, David, they’re not going to get cold.”

Ignoring her, David stood up from the table and made to leave but Alexis grasped his arm.

“Okay, _stop_ doing that.” He yanked his arm harshly from her grip, breathing just a bit heavier.

At the stricken look on his sister’s face, he decided he officially couldn’t take anymore and waltzed right out of the café, sandwiches left forgotten on the table.

—————————————————————

David aimlessly walked down the one long road that was Schitt’s Creek, trying to get his breathing to return to normal before he headed back to the store. He didn’t pass anyone as he paced down the street, most people still at work during this time of the day.

Out of his peripheral vision, David thought he saw something shift near one of the decorative bushes his mother had planted, but he figured he was just imagining it, he had been awake since 6am, after all.

After a few minutes he had sufficiently cooled down enough to return to Rose Apothecary. Patrick would be worried over David’s disappearance, moreso than he already was, anyway, so he hurried back.

—————————————————————

“Hey,” Patrick said when David entered, bell ringing as he opened the door. He saw Patrick glance at his empty hands before saying, “Um…where’s lunch?”

“Oh, _fuck!”_

Patrick chuckled, “It’s okay, babe, Ted actually dropped the sandwiches off. He said you and Alexis got into an argument so I figured you’d be back after you cooled off a bit. Do you wanna talk about it? Or…”

“No. Nope. It was nothing, really, how about we eat?”

—————————————————————

When David walked into the backroom he noticed Patrick on his phone. Walking over and placing a hand on his back he said, “Hey babe, what are you doing?”

“Oh, just, uh…I was gonna call the café and cancel our reservation for tonight.”

“What? Why?”

Patrick's brow furrowed in confusion. “Oh, I’m sorry, I just kinda figured that with everything going on you wouldn’t be up to going out tonight. And we can always order in. How about pizza?”

“Baby, no, it’s fine!” David replied, stroking his hand over Patrick’s shoulders and turning his body to face him. 

“Okay, if you’re sure you’re still up for it…” Patrick trailed off.

David nodded emphatically. “I’ll just head back to the motel beforehand to get ready, and pack up a few things for the rest of the week,” he added, smiling at his fiancé.

“Alright, I’ll pick you up at 8?” Patrick asked, wrapping his arms around David’s waist and drawing him in for a kiss.

“Mmmm,” David said, pulling away. “Sounds good, we do have to keep up the tradition of celebrating my birthday at the café, you know.”

Patrick beamed, and David felt the first genuine smile of the day grace his lips. Staring at his fiancé’s handsome face, it was easy for David to ignore the feeling in his gut that he wasn’t quite out of the woods yet, and more sinister things were heading his way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed! Thanks so much for reading!
> 
> (Side note: I've officially talked about Schitt's Creek so much to my friends that today two of them started to watch it!! I'M SO HAPPY!!)


	4. I Can Only Be so Strong for so Long

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Did you really think Ben had skipped town? So soon?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I spent all day writing this chapter and the next one, I hope you enjoy it!
> 
> Let me know what you think :)
> 
> Chapter title from Hold On by Noah Reid.

“Alright baby, I’ll be back to pick you up in a few hours,” Patrick said as he pulled up to the motel right outside room 7.

“Okay,” David replied, leaning in for a quick kiss before opening the door.

Patrick looked like he was debating saying something else, but decided against it and just let David exit the car.

David leaned down to say through the open window, “I can’t wait for tonight,” a large smile splitting his face and causing his dimples to make an appearance. Before Patrick could respond David turned and walked into the motel.

David found that he was successfully blocking thoughts of Ben and what had happened yesterday from his mind, or at least he had been until he entered his room to find his mother, father, and Alexis all sitting around as if they had been waiting for him.

“Ew!” He whined, shaking his head back and forth. “What is this, an intervention?” He dropped his bag on the ground next to his bed.

“No dear, don’t be so melodramatic,” Moira chided.

“Can’t we just spend some time together as a family?” Johnny asked exasperatingly. “I hardly see my beautiful wife and two wonderful children all at once anymore.”

“Well, I’m pretty sure we all saw each other last night at my party, so.”

His family exchanged awkward glances, not wanting to mention the gigantic elephant in the room.

“Anyway,” his father continued. “I can’t remember the last time we ate a meal as a family, we’re all so busy these days. How about we head out to the café for dinner?”

David knew what was happening. In their own weird way, his family was trying to take his mind off of Ben and all the drama that he was currently drowning in. Even though they all had their moments these days, the Rose’s always had been and always would be closed books when it came to emotion, so tiptoeing around the situation was the only way they felt comfortable supporting him at the moment. In a way, it annoyed David even more than if they just outright addressed the issue. I mean, did he want to talk about it? That would be a hard no. He wished he didn’t have to deal with it at all. But waiting for the other shoe to drop was the environment David had spent most of his adult life submersed in, and it wasn’t a pleasant feeling that he was rushing to get back to.

“Actually, I can’t. If you must know, Patrick and I are going to the café for dinner tonight as a belated birthday celebration. Speaking of, I really need to get ready, so if you could all just-” he made a shooing motion with his hands, and went about packing a few cashmere sweaters in his overnight bag.

When he didn’t hear anyone making a move to leave, David just went about the room, grabbing his moisturizer, hair products, and other miscellaneous items, determined to ignore the three nuisances in the room.

His mother was the first to crack, as usual, eager to get back to her multitudinous, self-interested ventures. She sighed dramatically, leather pants squeaking as she stood up. “Come along, John, you can’t say we didn’t try.”

As her stilettos clomped back to room 6, John remained a moment longer, watching his son dart around the room. Knowing just how stubborn David could be (he was his mother’s son, after all), he decided not to push him too far, and followed Moira through the doorway, shutting the door behind him.

And then there were two. Alexis remained, perched on her bed and not even pretending to be occupied by her phone, her eyes following her brother around the room. She continued to wait. For what? She didn’t know.

“David…” Silence never was her strong suit, as Mutt could attest.

“Mmmm?” David hummed in response, glancing her way and quirking a brow.

Alexis decided to just go for the jugular. She spent her entire adolescence braving scary situations, and this was no different. 

“What exactly happened between you and Ben?”

An eerie silence followed, David freezing in his tracks. He knew his sister was ballsy, but holy fuck, he didn’t think she’d just outright ask the question on everyone’s mind since last night.

“Oh, _my god,”_ David’s arms waved about, acting as if independent from his body. When he saw the look on her face and knew that she wouldn’t just drop it, he added, “He’s just an old ex, which I’m sure you already gathered from what he said last night, so. I don’t know what everyone is freaking out about, quite frankly.”

“Because we can all tell that this is different…” her wide-eyed gaze pierced into David. “Especially me, I was around after Sebastien, remember? I know how hurt you were when he ended things, and the way you acted yesterday…” she trailed off, gnawing at her lip. “It was just, different. Bad different.”

David stared back at her for a moment, eyes feeling a bit glassy. Him and Alexis had certainly gotten a lot closer these past few years, but he’d be damned if he was going to willingly show such weakness in front of his baby sister. She was the one who always needed his help, not the other way around, and David had a reputation to uphold here.

He cleared his throat, unwilling to break the façade as slipped back into his 'indifferent' mask. “Well, I don’t know what you’re talking about,” David said, shaking his head emphatically.

“Ugh, oh my god, David!” Alexis’ frustration broke through. “Do you think you’re the only one who can worry about a sibling? How do you think I feel watching you go through this?” Alexis yelled, before softening her resolve. “I think I can finally understand how anxious you must have been all those years ago when I was travelling to all those, like, fantastic places, because this is-it’s not a fun feeling, David.”

“Alexis, I…” even after all this time, David still struggled to apologize. “I’m-I’m sorry but this is just-it’s a lot and I’m trying to get ready for dinner tonight so I really can’t deal with this right now. Just, I need a little space for a minute, okay?” David said in a sombre tone, though his hands were still articulating his every syllable.

Without another look at his sister, he left the motel room, unsure as to where he was going to go or what he was going to do, but just knowing he needed one minute of privacy, for fucks sake.

His feet almost carried him to the office out of habit, his body telling him: _no, you shouldn’t be alone, go to Stevie, you know she’ll understand._ But he couldn’t do it on the minuscule off chance that she would interrogate him like everyone else. So, he turned and walked in the opposite direction.

David knew he shouldn’t be lurking alone outside the motel, but Ben hadn’t been seen by anyone all day, and Stevie had informed him and Patrick earlier that while Ben had failed to check out, when she went to check on room 8 it was tidied up and no personal belongings were left. So, David’s wishful thinking went against his instinct and told him that maybe Ben had already skipped town. Maybe it really had been a coincidence, maybe he hadn’t come here specifically for him. I mean really, David shouldn’t be so self-centred to think someone he dated five years ago still thought about him, David Rose, socialite-turned-nobody.

David continued walking further away from the motel absentmindedly, feet dragging as he was lost in thought.

Unfortunately, he didn’t notice the car idling on the side of the road forty feet behind him.

The repetitive motion of his feet and the glorious silence that surrounded him caused David to fall into a trance of sorts, trapped in his own mind. He wondered how he got to this point, why he had ever allowed these things to happen to him in the first place. Why he had been so god damn _weak._

_David heard the lock click into place as Ben left the room for the third time that day, leaving David laying prone, handcuffed to this dingy mattress._

_He turned and buried his head into the pillow to try and muffle the sobs that overtook his thin frame. He just wanted his mom, his dad, his **sister.**_

_What day was it? He had lost count. He was trapped, with no phone, no way out. No real friends who would be worried that he’d seemingly dropped off the face of the earth._

_He didn’t understand where it all went wrong, but then again he never does. He’s used to being used and then discarded when his lovers get sick of him, but this is a whole new level of demented that David hadn’t encountered in all his years of dating._

_The first few weeks of their relationship had been pure bliss. Ben had insisted that they keep their budding relationship on the down-low, and David had eagerly complied, excited to be a part of something so new and fresh. That meant that he hadn’t posted any pictures with his new beau, or even told anyone outside the small circle of acquaintances he regularly partied with about his new relationship. David had loved every minute of it, feeling like he was a part of some secret bond that nothing from the outside world could tarnish._

_Now, of course, he realizes that this all must have been a part of some elaborate, premeditated plan on Ben’s part. David morosely wondered how many others he had done this to._

_He snivelled and rolled over, breath hitching as he stared up at the ceiling fan spinning slowly round and round._

When he harshly came back to reality, David noticed that he was nearing the creek, the sky settling into dusk. God, how long had he been walking for? He patted down his pockets, heart stopping when he realized he had left his phone at home. In his rush to have some space from his family, he had forgotten to take it—a true testament to how befuddled he had been.

He had accidentally isolated himself more than he intended, and wasn’t that just irony at it’s finest. Alanis would be proud.

Karmically bad luck aside, David started to panic. He really shouldn’t have come this far from the motel, and now it was starting to get dark, and-

David heard a twig snap right behind him. Fuck.

—————————————————————

Patrick had just picked up his phone to send David a text, letting him know that he was leaving soon, when a call came through. Caller ID: Alexis. That’s a little weird…

“Hello? Alexis?”

“Patrick?” She sounded out of breath and frantic, which wasn’t doing anything to quell the panic rising in Patrick’s gut.

“Is something wro-”

“IthinkDavidismissing,” she hissed out, all in one word.

“I’m sorry, _what!?”_ Patrick howled, grabbing his keys and running out the door.

“Yeah, um,” he could hear her scratching her head. “We may have had a little fight, but I was only trying to help, I promise! And he like, freaked out again and, I don’t know, he said he just needed a little air but I didn’t think he would just walk off and now it’s been a long time and it’s getting dark and his phone is at the motel and I-I don’t know what to do, fuck!”

If Patrick wasn’t so consumed with panic he may have been a little taken aback at that. Alexis rarely swears, and when she does…well, it’s for good reason.

“Okay, okay, I’m on my way-”

“Me and Ted are out looking for him now, and mom and dad are staying back at the motel just in case he comes back. Stevie started sending out a few calls to get the word out…I hope I’m just overreacting but-but something doesn’t feel right about this, Patrick.”

“No, I know what you mean,” Patrick inhaled deeply through his nose, desperately trying to slow his heart rate. “Ever since last night I’ve had a bad feeling about this Ben guy.” Shaking his head, not allowing his mind to go there in the moment, he added, “Alright, I’ll start looking around for him too, I mean, he couldn’t have gone too far on foot.”

“Keep us updated.”

“You too.” And at that Patrick hung up, no time for nonsensical goodbyes.

Revving his engine, Patrick peeled off in the direction of the motel, pushing down the anger he felt. Couldn’t David and Alexis just get along for once? If she hadn’t had that fight with him then maybe he would still be safe and sound, and Patrick would be on the way to a birthday dinner with his fiancé rather than trying to find him. Taking a deep breath, he forced himself to let it go. He knew his resentment was misplaced, it wasn’t Alexis’ fault that her brother had run off. David was his own person who made his own choices, and to love him was to know that David Rose did as David Rose pleased.

The possibilities of where David could be and what could be happening to him right now made a single, hot tear slide down Patrick’s cheek. Eyes like saucers, he kept them peeled for any traces of his partner as he sped through town.

—————————————————————

“Hey, _‘babe’,”_ Ben’s booming voice echoed.

Trying to steel his expression into cold confidence, David slowly turned around. There his ex was, standing less than an arm’s length away and towering over him. David looked up, making eye contact as his body started to tremble.

He tried to weigh his options, but David never was the best runner, certainly not compared to Ben, who hit the gym every single day. Besides, he could see what must be Ben’s car in the distance. Flight wasn’t an option. He had to stay and fight this one out, and David didn’t particularly like those odds either.

Ben crowded further into his space, David took a few stumbling steps backward to compensate.

“Ya know, you really made things difficult for me, David,” Ben said with sarcasm lacing his every word. He laughed. “No seriously, at first you really, really did. A few days after I kicked your ass to the curb, I started to miss having someone so fucking _easy_ at my beck and call.”

David whimpered as he felt Ben’s hand enclose his arm in a vicelike grip.

“I tried to hunt you down but, word on the street was, your poor little family lost everything and disappeared off the map. That’s when it got a little more fun. I just _had_ to find _the_ David Rose and see how much he must be struggling with not a dime to his name. I’ll admit, it was arduous work, tracking you down, and if it weren’t for that stupid little shop you opened up with your _boy toy,_ I might never have found you. But you did, so here we are.”

David tried to yank his arm away, but it was futile.

Ben let out a menacing chuckle, “Tell your sister she’s very good at PR, David.”

David huffed, some of his attitude returning in a false front. “What exactly do you _want!?_ You saw what my life is like here in this tiny little town, as I’m assuming you’ve been stalking me for the past day. And you know as well as I do that there’s no way in _hell_ I would ever go back to New York with you,” he gritted out. “So-”

David was not prepared for the blow to the face that followed his rant. Right, Ben had always hated it when he got a little too mouthy. He fell backwards, scrambling to get back on his feet, but his reflexes were too slow and in a flash Ben had him pinned to the ground, arms held above his head as he straddled his waist.

Flashes of the same face, five years younger, passed through David’s mind. He immediately began to squirm and yell, hoping to catch someone’s attention, anyone’s, but he knew it was all no use. Ben was too strong, much stronger than him, and nobody was around for miles. David knew how this played out, he’d been here too many times before.

Another punch to the face. “Stop fucking screaming! No one can hear you anyway, you little slut.”

David sobbed instead.

Ben tore at David’s Saint Laurent sweater, trying to get it off and more or less succeeding. He made quick work of the button and zipper on David’s jeans, roughly hauling them down in one swift motion before flipping him over.

David grimaced as he felt something twist in his arm.

“Just remember,” Ben whispered hotly in his ear. “You have no one to blame but yourself. I mean, really David!? The woods in the middle of nowhere?” He laughed incredulously, “I always knew you were a stupid fucking _whore.”_

Screwing his eyes shut as his face was pushed into the ground, David gasped in pain a moment later when Ben thrust into him without any preparation.

This was the point where David usually dissociated, and right now all he could do was drown out Ben’s grunts with daydreams of being back in Patrick’s arms.

—————————————————————

Patrick had already swept through town in his car twice, and he was just about to start venturing outside the city limits when he got a call from Stevie.

“Patrick! I just got a call from Bob, Gwen’s nephew Eric thinks he saw David walking out towards the creek earlier!” her voice exploded through the phone. “Me, Alexis and Ted are on our way but just in case you’re closer-”

“Got it! On my way!” Patrick hung up, tossing his phone onto the passenger seat and breaking more traffic laws than he ever had in his life.

Speeding down the country lane, another car flew past Patrick in the opposite direction. He didn’t have time to ruminate on what the implications of that were right now, he just kept his pedal to the floor and drove on.

Patrick made the 15 minute drive in about a third the time, and once he arrived in the general area of the creek he slammed on the breaks and skidded to a stop, leaving the car running as he jumped out.

“David!?” He shouted, spinning in circles as he looked in all directions for his fiancé. “David! Babe, are you here?”

He used the flashlight on his phone to aid him in his search, and stopped dead in his tracks when he finally laid eyes on his partner.

Patrick dropped his phone in shock, his headlights still illuminating the area, and ran to be by David’s side, just as he promised he always would be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uh-oh...
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	5. I'm Fresh out of Regret

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all your comments! I love reading them and they really motivate me to keep going!
> 
> Chapter title from King for a Day by Crush.

David sat on the ground, curled up in a ball and shivering. The sky was pitch black at this point, and even if he could find his way back to the motel, he didn’t think he had the physical strength to be able to do so at the moment. So, he waited. He had all the faith in the world in Patrick, and unlike all those years ago, he now had people in his life who would notice his absence, and actually _care._

He wasn’t sure how much time had passed when he heard a set of car tires ripping along the gravel road before screeching to a halt. Afraid to look up, David hugged his knees to his chest even tighter, praying that it wasn’t Ben coming back for more, or worse—to finish him off for good.

He continued to spiral when-

“David!?”

_Patrick._ His lover’s voice had never sounded sweeter to David’s ears.

“David! Babe, are you here?” Something dropped to the ground and he heard footsteps sprinting towards him.

David preemptively flinched, because he knew in his panic Patrick wouldn’t even think about placing his hands all over-yup, there they were, trying to soothe David and coax him from his tightly wound position.

He couldn’t even make out exactly what Patrick was saying, just a litany of placating words that were somehow supposed to make this all better. And he guessed in a way they were helping, if only minimally. His fiancé was back by his side, where he promised he would always be, and he would protect him from Ben. He was safe now.

David slowly lifted his throbbing head to look into the adoring, yet frantic eyes of his partner.

“Hey, honey, that’s it, just look at me,” Patrick whispered, running his hand along the length of David’s back, only partially covered by his torn sweater.

At the look of pure, unadulterated love David saw burning in Patrick’s heated gaze, he started to cry once more. He didn’t understand what he had done to deserve someone looking at him like that.

Deep, heaving sobs exploded from David’s chest, effectively breaking Patrick’s heart and causing a cascade of fresh tears to make their way down his pale face.

It was at this moment that Ted’s car skidded into place next to Patrick’s, headlights lighting the scene in front of them even further.

Stevie and Alexis immediately hopped out and raced towards them, Ted a second behind as he put the car in park.

“Oh, my god,” David choked out as the three newcomers idled in place a few feet away from him and Patrick, unsure about what to do now that they were here. “I didn’t realize I was gonna have an audience.” He wiped his eyes with the sleeve of his sweater, being careful of the bruise that was certainly forming there already, trying to uphold whatever remained of his dignity.

“David…” Stevie whispered.

At the mention of his name, he glanced up at her through his blur of tears. He had never seen her look so destroyed in his life, and it would be a cold day in hell before David allowed anything he had done cause that expression to appear on her face once more.

Ted looked troubled by what he saw, and Alexis…well, he couldn’t exactly read what he saw on her face—a fierce protectiveness, maybe?

“Babe…” Patrick called David’s attention back to him. When he turned to face his fiancé, David saw that he was pulling off his jacket and placing it around his trembling shoulders. He continued, “Let’s get you into the car and get you warmed up, yeah? Can-can you stand?”

Nodding his head as he chewed on his split lip, David stood up with a lot of effort on his part and some help from Ted and Patrick.

David appreciated that for now, Patrick was focused on the short-term, his goal being to get David safe and warm inside his car before they decided further courses of action. But over his laboured breathing he heard Alexis and Stevie mumbling about hospitals and stitches as they watched him struggle, body stiff.

“I am _not_ going all the way to Elmdale to go to the hospital,” David said vehemently.

“But, David,” Alexis started to argue, and he was so distracted by this conversation that he violently recoiled when he suddenly felt a hand at his zip. He almost fell to the ground once again, Ted’s grip on his arm being the only thing that kept him upright. 

“Oh fuck, I’m so sorry honey, it’s just, uh, your zip was undone and I just wanted to fix it for you, I was trying to be discreet, but I guess I didn’t fully think that through, oh my god, sorry, I-”

“Mhmm,” David cut in, trying to calm his racing heart as he reached down and fixed it himself, wrist twinging. God, he had never been so thoroughly embarrassed in his life.

“I think I’m gonna be sick,” Alexis said all of a sudden.

Oh, right, he was disgusting now. They all knew his secret, he supposed it was fairly obvious what had happened to him, what with his torn sweater and undone pants, not to mention the way he just reacted to his own _fiancé’s_ touch. Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck.

David’s face crumpled, eyes trained on the ground. “I’m sorry Alexis, I know I’m-you don’t have to stay if you don’t want to…” They all strained to hear his voice, he had never sounded so small and meek in his life. “But I-I can’t go to the hospital. I w-won’t. I mean, I didn’t go last time either. No. Fuck that.”

At the tense silence that followed, David got the impression that he had said something wrong.

“Can…can I go sit in the car now, please?”

Maybe it was the vet in Ted, or maybe it was because he and David had never been particularly close so he was able to look at this through an objective lens, but he seemed to be the only one capable of responding at the moment in the midst of this high stress situation.

“Sure thing, buddy. C’mon.”

They diligently made their way over to Patrick’s car, David wincing so harshly when he sat down that he decided he would lay down across the back seat instead.

For a minute he just laid there, staring out into space as he heard the four of them having a hushed conversation a few feet away from the car. Their voices faded further and further away as exhaustion overcame David’s body.

—————————————————————

_Ben groaned as he finished, David nearly throwing up at the full feeling that accompanied it. Patrick was never going to want him again after this, and David couldn’t blame him._

_His ex roughly pulled out and stood up. “Welp,” Ben said as he zipped up his pants, nudging David with his foot. “I got what I came here for, anyway.” He laughed boisterously._

_Then, as if David didn’t already feel like he was worth no more than the dirt under his shoe, Ben spit on the ground near his body and said, “I would say see you around, but we both know that’s a lie. I have better-looking, wealthier people to concern myself with.”_

_And with that, Ben strolled back to his car and sped off._

—————————————————————

When David came to, he was being placed on a much softer surface. Realizing he was being moved, he jerked into full awareness.

“We’re at Ted’s, sweetie,” Patrick supplied at the panicked look on his fiancé’s face.

“…Why?”

“Well, we just thought, since you didn’t want to go to the hospital, maybe you’d let Ted take a look at you?” Patrick asked hesitantly.

“It’s no problem at all, if you’re okay with it, that is, David,” Ted addressed him, a sad smile present on face. “I mean, it’s not like I haven’t treated you before, right?”

He understood that Ted was trying to add some levity to the situation, but David simply did not have the energy to force a laugh right now.

David pondered this for a moment, looking around at the hopeful eyes of his sister, his best friend, and his fiancé staring at him from their various seated positions in the living room.

“Fine,” he conceded. “But just my wrist. I-I think it might be sprained or something.”

“Sounds like a deal, David. Although I think I should check your lip too, it looks like it might need stitches.”

_”Stitches!?”_ he shrieked, prodding his lip. _”Fuck!_ Is it gonna scar!?”

Patrick bit out a surprised laugh. That was the closest David had come to sounding like his usual self all night.

“No, it should be fine, it looks like it only needs one or two.”

David relaxed a bit. The last thing he wanted was a permanent reminder of this nightmare on his _face._

“So, uh, I can do it now if you’d like?” Ted asked, breaking the silence.

David nodded his assent, gingerly sitting up on the couch.

“Great, I’ve just gotta run to my office to grab some supplies. Be right back.”

Ted left and the rest of them sat in silence, before Alexis timidly asked, “Um, David, I was just wondering…do we like, um, need to be worried about him coming back? Because if he-”

“No,” David interrupted, understanding exactly which _him_ she was referencing.

“Are you sure though? Like-”

“No, he, uh, he left town I think, he-he said that he…got what he came for,” David huffed. “I think he was just waiting for the perfect opportunity to get me alone, and I-I basically offered myself up…” _You have no one to blame but yourself._

A broken sob rang through the room, and this time it wasn’t David’s. Tears welled in David’s eyes as he took in the sight of his fiancé crying into his hands.

“Patrick, baby,” David soothed, moving to get up to comfort his fiancé.

“No, David, it’s alright,” Patrick sniffed, trying to pull himself together. Now was not the time, David needed him to be strong.

The front door opened and Ted waltzed back in, medical supplies in his arms, “Alright guys, if you could give us a little privacy?” He started setting disinfectants and needles on the table.

Stevie and Alexis got up and started shuffling towards the kitchen, Alexis mumbling, “Yeah, I should probably text mom and dad anyway…”

Patrick lingered for a moment, before eventually turning and exiting the room, looking mildly hurt that David hadn’t asked him to stay.

As Ted started dabbing at his lip, David desperately craved his fiancé’s support. He wished that he had let Patrick stay, but he just couldn’t bear the thought of his partner looking at him with pity in his eyes. He did _not_ want any pity. Yes, this was a difficult blow to be dealt, but David had survived it once and he would again. He would get better, in time.

David winced as Ted laced the first suture, then the second. He watched as his sister’s boyfriend threw away the needle and removed his gloves.

“Now, about that wrist. Which one is it?”

David held out his right arm. “It just hurts a bit when I move it, but I don’t think anything is broken, so…”

Ted took David's wrist in his hands, delicately turning it and lightly prodding at it.

“Yeah, it’s definitely not broken, but it does look like you sprained it, so I’ll just wrap it up in a compression bandage, and it should heal on it’s own in about two weeks.”

David just nodded at Ted as he went about wrapping the sprain.

When he was finished, Ted studied David’s face, which remained pinched in pain. He couldn’t just drop it, he was a medical professional after all…so he felt the need to ask, “Um, David, you’re not…hurt, anywhere else, are you?”

David’s face burned as he pulled his knees up to his chest and sat back, shaking his head fervently.

Ted swallowed, it’s not like he was an actual doctor anyway, so he took David’s word for it. “Okay.”

Ted gathered his supplies and headed for the door, going to bring them back to the clinic, but just before he stepped out he heard a low, “Thanks, Ted.”

“No problem, big guy,” he said as he left.

David cracked a small smile at this, savouring just being able to sit in silence for a moment. Pulling Patrick’s jacket a little closer around his shoulders, he breathed in the scent of his fiancé, wondering what was going to happen now. He was positive that Patrick was going to want to talk about what happened, but David just wasn’t sure that he could…not any time soon, anyway. The wound was too fresh.

—————————————————————

_David tossed and turned, glimpsing at the clock—2:03am—and sighed. To say that he hadn’t been sleeping well lately would be a massive understatement. Ever since he returned to his family’s mansion in Toronto, all he did all day was mope around on the couch, watching mind-numbing reality tv and eating. If he didn’t stop soon he was going to be well over his goal weight, but what else was there to do when you had no friends, a distant family, and a recent traumatic experience?_

_He’d been laying in bed for hours, not catching a wink of sleep, so David dragged his body out of bed and headed to the kitchen._

_Rubbing his eyes as he walked through the doorway, he startled when he saw his sister sitting at the counter, giggling at her phone. She glanced up at him, but didn’t offer any greeting, opting instead to reply to whatever mundane text Stavros had just sent her._

_He rolled his eyes. David was beyond grateful to be back home, in a familiar setting that had round-the-clock security, but it wasn’t as if he had anyone here to talk to, should he decide to. He’d been here five days and no one had even noticed any difference, even though he had lost twenty pounds in the past two months, clothes hanging off his gaunt frame. Even though he didn’t talk as much as he used to. Even the fact that he willingly came back here. Nothing had been questioned, everyone too busy with what was going on in their own lives to look up and notice that someone else was struggling._

_David was trying to soldier on, trying to pretend like nothing had happened, but he had changed. And it was kind of hard to ignore the constant thoughts running around his head when he had no one to talk to as a distraction._

_He went to open the fridge door when he heard Alexis gasp behind him._

_“Oh, my god! Stavros…”_

_Great, he must have sent a picture._

_When she looked up and caught him staring at her in disgust, she exclaimed, “God, David! What are you looking at? Don’t you have someone who sends you pics?”_

_He turned and left the room, food forgotten. Maybe being alone was better after all._

—————————————————————

While David sat there, curled up and stewing in his thoughts, Patrick’s head peeked out from around the corner of the kitchen.

“Um, can we…come back in now?”

David shrugged, “Sure, Ted’s done, so.”

The three of them entered the room, treading lightly and staring at him like he was about to break at any moment. David knew he had a reputation for being fragile, but this 'walking on eggshells' thing was starting to drive him a little crazy.

He let out an exaggerated sigh, “It’s alright guys, my god.” Rubbing his temple he added, “Alexis, what did you tell mom and dad?”

“Oh, I just said that we had found you…I didn’t know how much to say, so…”

“Okay. Yeah, that-that’s good.” He would deal with that conversation at a later date, certainly not in the mood for his mother’s dramatics right now.

He kind of wanted to be alone, yet the thought of that also terrified him. He had been utterly alone when…

“Patrick, can we, um, go back to your apartment now? Or I can go to the motel if you want, uh-I’m just, I really need to sleep…” _And shower._

This truly felt like the longest day of his life. How was it just this morning that he and Patrick had had that conversation about Ben? _Where you lied._ Fuck.

“Yes, honey. Of course, let’s go. Uh, Stevie, Alexis, we’ll see you around?”

They said their quick goodbyes, and then David and Patrick were in his car, heading home.

The car was filled with awkward silence the entire ride, neither of them knowing quite what to say. Mundane small talk felt too normal and forced, yet the elephant in the room was also untouchable.

David started to worry. Was this how things would be from now on? Did Ben manage to ruin the best thing that had ever happened to him?

No. David wouldn’t give him that power. Besides, if he lost Patrick, he honestly didn’t know if he’d survive.

They arrived home and David immediately headed for the bathroom, “I’m just gonna, um, shower, now.”

Patrick’s concerned gaze fixated on his fiancé, “Okay, baby. Let me grab you some pyjamas.”

Once safely inside the bathroom, any semblance of a normal façade fell from his face. He couldn’t stop the silent tears that were shed as he undressed and saw his bruised body in the mirror.

Taking in the damage, he struggled to hold in a sob. His hair was stuck off in a million different directions from being yanked around. He had a black eye as well as some scrapes left behind by the gravel his face was pushed into. There were bruises forming around the wrist that wasn’t covered in gauze, and of course there was his split lip and sprain. Jesus, Ben had really done a number on him this time.

He started the shower and stood under the spray, heat relaxing his tense muscles. He mechanically cleaned every inch of his body, once, twice, then a third time.

Sighing, he shut the water off. He knew from experience that no number of showers would make him feel clean anyway, so he might as well give up now.

He stepped out, skin red and raw, realizing he didn’t even have his moisturizer here to apply, even if he had the energy to put it on. He quickly dressed, exhaustion catching up to him by this point. What he needed was a comfortable bed and a big, long sleep.

Taking a deep breath, David exited the bathroom. There Patrick was, curled up in bed waiting for him, trying to look like he was occupied with his book, but David knew better.

When he heard the bathroom door open his eyes flicked over to David making his way to the bed. He crawled beneath the covers and burrowed down into his usual spot, lying on his side and facing away from Patrick.

Patrick bookmarked his page and placed his novel on the nightstand before reaching over to turn off the lamp. He went to spoon David like he did every night, but faltered. Did he want to be touched like that tonight? Patrick wanted nothing more than to comfort his lover—they were quite a physical couple, always a shoulder rub here or a graze of the arm there—but right now he wasn’t sure how to proceed. He had never dealt with anything like this before, and he felt grossly underprepared.

Patrick must have been contemplating what to do for too long, because David piped up.

“It’s okay, you don’t have to,” he said, voice wet with tears. “I know you probably don’t want to-” he broke off in to a sob, still not turning around to face Patrick.

Patrick gathered David up into his arms faster than he could even make the decision to do so, his body acting of its own accord. His heart hurt for this man that he loved so much, it physically pained him.

“I will _always_ want you, as long as you’ll have me, baby,” Patrick cooed.

They laid there, tangled up together in the middle of the bed, as David weeped into Patrick’s shirt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not sure how I feel about this one…but anyway.
> 
> Comfort ahead! Don’t worry!
> 
> Once again thanks for reading!


	6. I Love You More Than You'll Ever Know

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Patrick comes to terms with what happened.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title is from In Case You Don't Live Forever by Ben Platt.

Patrick laid there in the dark, mind racing. He had held David as he cried for what felt like hours, and as he listened to his fiancé’s hitched breaths he became worried that David wouldn’t ever calm down. But eventually he cried himself to sleep, body exhausted from the events of the last few days, no doubt.

God, how had it only been a little over 24 hours since this all started? Just yesterday it had been David’s birthday and Patrick had been looking forward to spoiling his partner, as had become tradition since that very first date. But unfortunately the universe had other plans.

As Patrick caressed his lover, absentmindedly stroking his arm, he tried to process everything that had happened.

He had had his suspicions about Ben ever since he saw the look on David’s face as that guy had walked out of the motel. After two years together he felt like he knew his fiancé pretty well—dare he say better than anyone else—and he had become well-versed in reading the myriad of expressions that could pass across David’s face.

—————————————————————

_Patrick was still laughing with Stevie and Alexis at David’s lack of knowledge in sporting references, glancing around at all these people who had rallied around him and became family in a time when he was so unsure of himself. He was filled with feelings of love and gratitude, when he looked to his fiancé and immediately his gut twisted._

_The smile had been wiped from his face and his “practically Sicilian” skin had gone ghostly pale. He was looking wide-eyed towards the motel, so Patrick followed his gaze to see an intimidating man swiftly making his way over to their picnic table._

_Another quick glance back at his partner and he could see the beginnings of a panic attack in David’s hitched breaths and shaky hands._

_“Babe, are you alright?” Patrick whispered, trying to be discreet, not sure how public the following situation was going to be. Maybe he was overreacting?_

_It took a second to get an answer out of his fiancé, and even then he only managed to let out meaningless stutters and false starts before the man was looming over them all, shadow falling across the table._

_“David! Long time no see!” the man exclaimed exuberantly. He flung out his arms to bring David into a hug, but David flinched so hard he nearly fell off his seat._

_After momentarily collecting himself, he shakily exhaled, “Ben…”_

_Okay great, so now Patrick had a name for the smug faced bastard in front of him. Patrick could be jealous and protective in the best of times, even when presented with past lovers of Davids who hadn’t outright mistreated him…flashes of Jake passed through his mind. But he knew this was a different beast entirely. He had never seen David have such an adverse reaction to anyone before, so to say that Patrick was consumed with worry would be an understatement._

_What exactly had this “Ben” guy done? Used David and then left him, as was the theme for David’s past? Something worse…?_

—————————————————————

If only Patrick had known exactly what David was going through back then…he hopes he would have been able to take charge more efficiently. Without a doubt he would have punched Ben right in his smirking face without remorse.

Patrick felt himself tearing up again as he started to comprehend the nature of David’s relationship with Ben. He certainly didn’t know all the details, but based on some comments David had made earlier tonight in his stupor— _“I can’t go to the hospital. I w-won’t. I mean, I didn’t go last time either.”_ —Patrick knew this wasn’t the first time anything like this had happened. He was left wondering about the severity of the abuse David faced in his past.

Patrick knew how David viewed himself— _”I am…damaged goods.”_ —and while this could not be further from how Patrick saw him, he was now coming to understand where these insecurities incubated.

He vowed to himself to try even harder to get David to see how amazing he truly was. David was so caring and protective towards those he loved, a truly _good_ person. He was so deserving of love and yet he didn’t see that. So many people had mistreated his partner in the past that his self-image had been trampled on and distorted. God only knows the horrors David has been through that Patrick doesn’t know about…

Was Ben the only guy who had taken it this far with David? Or were there more? Patrick thought back to the conversation they had just this morning— _Did he ever…force you to do anything you, um, didn’t want to?” “No! God, no.”_ —and he realized David had lied straight to his face. But Patrick found that he didn’t even feel angry about this, just a deep sadness. He had thought that they were in a good place where they totally and completely trusted each other…then again, maybe there are some things you just don’t bring up in conversation.

David stirred in his arms, shifting into a more comfortable position and letting out a noise of pain. Patrick had to quell the fury that rumbled up, threatening to take over him. Someone had hurt _his_ fiancé! And he hadn’t been there to protect him…

Patrick realized he didn’t know if Ben had used any sort of protection…and while Patrick hadn’t been an active part of the queer community for very long, he understood the importance of getting tested and using protection with your partner when in doubt. After the whole Ken incident, him and David had gone together to get tested. They had gotten comfortable in their relationship and knew with absolute certainty that they only wanted to be with each other, forever. Of course, Patrick had already known this before his date with Ken, but he took David’s lead on these sort of things and David had needed to be sure of Patrick’s devotion.

Patrick stewed on this thought a bit more, and came to the conclusion that he needed to somehow broach the subject with David tomorrow morning. David had forcefully denied going to the hospital, and at the time Patrick had been willing to do whatever it took to make his fiancé comfortable, but he now realizes this may have been misguided. David wouldn’t be happy with him after the conversation, he’s sure, but Patrick could deal with David being angry with him for a bit if it meant he was safe and healthy.

Sighing, Patrick let his eyes slip closed, naively thinking he would be able to get any sleep tonight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> This was just a short chapter that I wanted to include entirely from Patrick's POV.
> 
> Also life has been getting busy lately, and I'm starting online uni courses next week so I'll only be able to update once or twice a week! Sorry :( It was ambitious of me to do the daily updates at the start hahaha.


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